Tia The poophead by Duo Maxwell
by Colony L2
Summary: Duo tried to get me to hit him, I wouldn't, so he decided to post this in what I think is a sad attempt to get me to hit him... Oh well.


Tia warned me…because I asked her to. Business as usual, nothing special there, moving right along… But she was easy to persuade, meaning that deep down she harbored the will and desired to hurt me! Even if to just whap me over the head. …but she denies it. My mission: to drag the repressed feelings of pure, unabashed loathing for me into the open!

Mission: Accepted.

**Duo: **You don't harbor any secret desires to harm me?

**Tia**: Well, would it be for mean intentions, or just for fun.

**Duo**: No, just to get me to shut up or something

**Tia**: Oh.. No, of course not.

**Duo**: O__O You lie....

**Duo**: Then how would you shut me up?

**Tia**: Why would I want to shut you up?

**Duo**: Because I chatter incessantly and not always about PG things?

**Duo**: And sometimes I'm annoying?

**Duo**: Okay, most of the time?

**Duo**: Like right now?

**Duo**: Because I'm HYPER?

**Tia**: Nope, not a good enough reason.. I'd listen.

**Duo**: Hmmmmmm... What if...

**Duo**: What if I was bad-mouthing females?

**Tia**: I bad mouth females, so what's the biggie?

**Duo**: What if I ranted incessantly about justice and honor? AND said all women are weak and pathetic and stupid and-OW!

**Duo**: ___

**Duo**: Love you too, Duet

**Duo**: ((shhhhhhhhh... she's reading...))

**Duo**: lol

**Duo**: I like pie

**Tia**: *Lol* Well, as long as you didn't rant on about friendship like Tea from YuGiOh! Then I'd have no desire to make you shut up/

**Duo**: But, our friendship is SHINING!!!

**Duo**: And we must play the friendship card because we are friends and friends play the friendship card when we're together being friends!

**Tia**: Ok, so I guess it's more annoying when she does it... 

**Duo**: ...

**Duo**: BUT WE MUST BE FRIENDS! And draw on our hands! And then constantly refer back to it!

**Tia**: *lol* 

**Duo: **Now…?

**Tia**: Nope, I still do not wanna hit you.

**Duo**: Yo mamma is a duck

**Tia**: yeah, so?

**Duo**: Grrrrrrrrr...

**Duo**: YOU'RE UNBREAKABLE!

**Tia**: ^_^ I know!

**Duo**: You watch porn

**Duo**: I'm gonna tell your parents

**Duo**: And send viruses though the computer

**Duo**: And stalk you 

**Duo**: Wanna hit me now?

**Tia**: Nope! 

**Duo**: *plotting*

**Tia**: *Lol* This is fun! What else you got?

**Duo**: SILENCE, WENCH!

**Duo**: I'm THINKING!

**Tia**: Yeah, that must be REALLY hard, ne?

**Duo**: HEY!

**Tia**: *lol* I bet I could get you to hit me, before you can get me to hit you.

**Duo**: I'd never strike a lady

**Tia**: Yeah, and that's one of the reasons why I'd never hit you.

**Duo**: WHAT!

**Duo**: OH, I am SO gonna win this

**Tia**: *Lol*

**Duo**: *lol*

**Tia**: ok, I'm sure you'll find the one thing that pisses me off.. Just too bad you don't know any of the people who have actually managed such things.

**Duo**: ok, i'm sure you'll find the one thing that pisses me off... Just too bad you don't know any of the people who have actually managed such things.

**Tia**: Yeah, sure, copy me... That's really gonna work.

**Duo**: Yeah, sure, copy me... That's really gonna work.

**Tia**: *Squeals* YuGiOh! is on tomorrow! More Malik and Bakura! They are so hot! You know, I think YuGiOh! Has the hottest Bishies in all of anime!

**Duo**: Oh yeah! I love that Joey kid!

**Duo**: And Bakura's hot too

**Duo**: But, you know, they'd never go for someone like you

**Tia**: Joey's hot, but not as hot as Yami Bakura and Malik!

**Tia**: Yeah, I know, but so? That's never stopped me before.

**Duo**: They'd like women of substance

**Tia**: Wait, women? No.. They like men!

**Duo**: not someone that costs $30 behind the dumpster at Quick Check

**Duo**: Pbbbth... You'd go either way

**Tia**: Is this supposed to piss me off? Because honestly, I expected more from you...

**Duo**: Okay. $40

**Tia**: Hell, I'd expect better then this from Quatre!

**Duo**: Don't make me bring him in here

**Duo**: Because I will!

**Tia**: Yeah, and I bet he could get me to hit you faster then you could.

**Duo**: Probably could. All he'd have to do is drop his pants

**Tia**: Why would I want to hit you for that?

**Duo**: To persuade you to hit me

**Tia**: Oh..

**Tia**: Maybe, but.. Nope. I don't think so.

**Duo**: God, you're so stupid for a woman

**Tia**: I know! I should have been a man!

**Duo**: Yeah, you already look like one!

**Tia**: That's what I tell everyone! Thank you for finally agreeing with me!

**Duo**: No prob!

**Duo**: ^___^

**Tia**: It's so nice to have someone who sees things from your point of view.

**Duo**: Well, it took a lot of work to get my head far enough up my ass to see the world like you do

**Tia**: And I'm so thrilled that you would put forth the effort! You're such a great friend!

**Duo**: And the more you pay me, the better I get!

**Tia**: *Lol*

**Duo**: ((Sorry... I'm actually enjoying this... lol))

**Tia**: ((Me, too.. This is the most fun I've had in weeks!))

**Duo**: ((sadomasochistic, ain't it?))

**Tia**: ((Yep... Why are we talking in bubbles?))

**Duo**: ((because this is separate from our argument?))

**Tia**: ((Good point))

**Duo: **Poop head

**Tia**: Ok, that was pathetic.

**Duo**: booger nose

**Tia**: What, are we 3? No wait, forget that..

**Duo**: Yes

**Duo**: ((=P I ain't gonna get too offensive with you. Hehehe... You're a minor!))

**Tia**: ((Only for another year, and besides, I'm used to it))

**Tia**: ((But go ahead and be good... No matter what you do, it ain't gonna work))

**Duo**: But why don't you just hit me, bitch?

**Tia**: because, despite the fact that I am a bitch, I don't like hitting people I like.

**Duo**: Why? Gonna break a nail?

**Tia**: me? Care about something like that?

**Duo**: Cuz we all know how effeminate you are!

**Duo**: What with your styled hair...

**Duo**: Your daily make-overs

**Tia**: *Laughs* I don't wear make-up and I chopped off most of all my hair so I wouldn't have to do it.

**Duo**: Yeah... Sure... That's what you WANT us to believe

**Duo**: You're probably painting your nails right now

**Tia**: Yeah, duh! Like I'd want everyone to know what a spoiled little bitch I am? I eat people like you for breakfast.

**Duo**: You eat people for breakfast?

**Duo**: lol

**Tia**: Yeah, that's why I love Hannibal.. He's my role model.

**Tia**: Wanna grow up and be just like him!

**Tia**: He's so cool!

**Duo**: lol That's not what I meant by eating people but sure

**Tia**: lol

**Duo**: Sooooooooooooooooo

**Duo**: you smell like feet

**Tia**: Soooooooooooooooooo

**Tia**: You know, I thought I smelt something... 

**Duo**: I dub thee Cheesy Toes

**Tia**: ^_^ I like cheese!

**Duo**: Good for you!

**Tia**: yeah! Cheese and chocolate are the best things in the world!

**Duo**: Izzat why you're so big?

**Tia**: Yeah, probably...

**Duo**: Thought so...

**Tia**: Meh, but hey, I don't care.

**Tia**: How long did it take everyone else to hit you? 

**Duo**: I didn't fight them over it

**Tia**: Oh.. *Lol* Well, you've been fighting me over it for about an hour now, you know..

**Duo**: Oh, I'll win this... *grin*

**Duo**: Maybe not today... Maybe not tomorrow...

**Duo**: But one day, you WILL hit me!

**Tia**: *lol* Yeah, maybe... But I doubt it.

**Duo**: I have yet to tell you my secret plan...

**Tia**: oh? What it is?

**Duo**: PBBTH! I ain't gonna tell ya!

**Duo**: But you'll find out

**Duo**: OHHHH, You'll find out

**Tia**: Whatever..

**Duo**: But, you could end all this right now...

**Duo**: Save yourself a WHOLE lotta grief...

**Duo**: If ya just hit me

**Tia**: Nope, sorry... Like I said, maybe if you were Wufei, but you're not, so I can't.

**Duo**: What if I told you I was?

**Tia**: Yeah, like I'd believe that...

**Duo**: Niho

**Tia**: Niho?

**Duo**: My girlfriend's name is Kim and I wear floofy pants!

**Tia**: Nice try Duo..

**Duo**: Damnit... I thought for SURE that would have worked!

**Tia**: *Laughs* No, believe it or not, I've accidentally talked to enough of you on this sn to know who I'm talking to.

**Duo**: I have CONTACTS!

**Tia**: oh? Who?

**Duo**: Because I'm WU FEI!

**Tia**: Nope, I'm not buying..

**Tia**: Besides, Duo, really, I said MAYBE.. Wufei would have to really piss me off before I hit him.

* * *

**Auto response from Duo**: Be back in a sec.  
Tia is the biggest loser I know and everyone should hate her. 

* * *

**Duo**: ^___^

**Tia**: But, Duo, everyone does already hate me.. So what's the point in that?

**Duo**: Just reiterating

**Tia**: Ah.. I see.

**Duo**: ...I'm sorry Tia. Bet or no bet, I said some stupid shit.

**Tia**: Yeah, sure.. Not that I care.. It was fun!

**Duo**: I know... ^__^* But I feel bad. I hate being mean. 

**Tia**: Don't feel bad.. I said some stuff, too.. So we're even!

**Tia**: ^_^ See how that works?

**Duo: **Muahaha…

No Tias were harmed in the making of this fic

-A half-assed post by Duo


End file.
